Welcome back to our Shadow Work series. This week, we're diving into one of the most painful and universal human experiences: rejection and criticism. These are powerful triggers that can send us spiraling into old wounds and familiar defensive patterns. Our reactions to them are not random; they are a direct line to our shadow, often echoing lessons learned long ago.
Our journal prompt for today is: "How do I react when I feel rejected or criticized? Where did I first learn that reaction?"
Think about a recent time you felt criticized, whether it was a harsh word from a friend, a negative review at work, or even just a feeling of being overlooked. What was your immediate reaction? Did you become defensive and lash out? Did you withdraw and shut down? Did you immediately try to people-please and win back approval? These reactions are the body's way of going into a protective mode, a survival instinct that was once crucial but may no longer serve you.
The key to this prompt is to go deeper than the surface reaction and ask, "Where did I learn this?" Our responses to rejection are often a direct result of our early life experiences.
- Lashing Out: If you were often criticized as a child and felt you had no voice, your shadow may have developed a protective layer of aggression. Lashing out becomes a way to create a barrier and say, "You can't hurt me if I hurt you first."
- Withdrawing: If you were met with a lack of emotional support or were shamed for your feelings, you might have learned that the safest thing to do is to disappear. Your shadow may have decided that if you don't make yourself visible, you can't be hurt.
- People-Pleasing: If your value was tied to your behavior or achievements, you may have learned that the only way to avoid criticism is to constantly seek approval. Your shadow, in its desire for safety, will compel you to do whatever it takes to win back affection and avoid rejection.
The problem with these shadow-driven reactions is that they keep us from living authentically. They prevent us from setting healthy boundaries, from expressing our true feelings, and from handling constructive feedback in a productive way. We are still operating on a survival script that was written by a younger, more vulnerable part of us.
Shadow work helps us to shine a light on this script. By connecting our current reactions to their origins, we can begin to create a new, more conscious response. This doesn't mean you will never feel hurt by rejection again. It means that the next time it happens, you'll be able to pause and say to yourself, "This is that old feeling. It's safe to feel it now. I don't have to go back to that old reaction."
This week, let's commit to observing our reactions to criticism with compassionate curiosity. By understanding the "why" behind our behavior, we can finally begin to heal the original wound and move from a place of reaction to one of conscious response. The freedom you'll gain from this will change your relationships and your life.
If you want more tips and support, find me on TikTok, find me on TT:@ starseedsarah. Let's continue this journey to balance and purpose, and let our energy show what we choose to focus on – success, love & courage!
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