Welcome back to our Shadow Work series. Today, we are diving into a powerful and often painful part of our shadow: the space between what we desire and what we believe we are worthy of. Our shadow is not just about the "negative" parts of us, but also the beautiful, powerful, and joyful desires we have repressed because of a deep-seated belief that we don't deserve them.
Our journal prompt for today is: "What do I secretly want but feel I don’t deserve?"
This question can feel both exciting and scary. It asks you to connect with your deepest yearnings, the ones you might have pushed down so far that you've almost forgotten they exist. These desires could be anything: a creative pursuit, a new career path, a loving and healthy relationship, financial abundance, a certain level of recognition, or simply a deep sense of peace.
The "secret" part of this question is key. These are not just wishes; they are the yearnings you feel a sense of shame or guilt around. The shame comes from the unconscious belief that you are not worthy of this desire being fulfilled.
So, why do we feel this way? The feeling of not deserving something often comes from:
- Conditional Love: You may have grown up in an environment where love and acceptance were conditional on your achievements or behavior. This teaches you that your worth is something you have to earn, and that some good things are simply out of reach.
- Internalized Messages: You may have been told, either directly or indirectly, that you are "too much," "not enough," or that your dreams are "unrealistic." Over time, these external voices become your own internal voice, telling you that what you secretly want is not available.
- A Fear of Change: Sometimes, the desire itself feels too big, too transformative. You fear that if you get what you want, your entire life will change, and that change is too scary to face. It's often safer to remain in a state of wanting than to risk the discomfort that comes with having.
The truth is, you don't have to "earn" or "deserve" your desires. Your desires are a part of your authentic self. They are the energy of your soul calling you toward growth and fulfillment. The feeling of "not deserving" is a shadow belief—a lie that was put there to keep you small and safe.
The liberating part of this work is to separate the desire from the belief. Acknowledge your desire fully. Write it down. Speak it out loud. And then, without judgment, write down the belief that tells you you don't deserve it. By shining a light on this limiting belief, you can begin to see it as a story, not a truth.
Today, let's commit to honoring our secret desires. They are not silly or selfish. They are guideposts to the life you are meant to live. By acknowledging what you want and gently challenging the belief that you don't deserve it, you are taking a powerful step toward reclaiming your worth and living a life that feels genuinely authentic and joyful.
You could even go to the next step, and create a vision board. Here is a vision board book with curated Pinterest worthy pics and quotes that can set you up for success. What a way to look deeper and find out what you REALLY secretly desire.
If you want more tips and support, find me on TikTok, find me on TT:@ starseedsarah. Let's continue this journey to balance and purpose, and let our energy show what we choose to focus on – success, love & courage!
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