Welcome back to our October Shadow Work series. So far, we've explored our triggers, emotional repression, and the fear of being seen. Today, we're confronting one of the most frustrating and often confusing manifestations of our shadow: self-sabotage. It's the act of consciously or unconsciously undermining our own success, happiness, or goals. It's a behavior that makes no logical sense, which is a key clue that it's being driven by the shadow. So many of us fall into this trap, and the worst part is, we do it unknowingly. It just sneaks up on us.
Our journal prompt for today is: "In what ways do I self-sabotage? What am I protecting myself from by doing so?"
Think about a time when you were close to a breakthrough—in your career, a relationship, or a personal goal—and you suddenly hit the brakes. Maybe you procrastinated until it was too late, picked a fight with your partner right before a big weekend, or backed out of a commitment that you had been working toward for months. These acts are not random. They are a deeply ingrained, often unconscious strategy to keep us in a place that, while perhaps unfulfilling, feels safe and familiar. Your subconscious mind would rather stay in the familiar, safe place than risk the unknown.
So, what are we protecting ourselves from? The answer is often surprising. Our shadow isn't trying to hurt us; it's trying to protect us from a fear that feels more dangerous than failure itself.
- Fear of the Unknown: Success, happiness, and growth all require us to move into new territory. Our shadow might believe that if we reach our goals, we will lose our current identity, alienate our friends, or have to face responsibilities we don't feel ready for. It's the classic fear of, "What if I get what I want, and I'm not good enough to keep it?"
- Fear of Abandonment or Rejection: Sometimes, we self-sabotage a relationship because our shadow fears that if we allow ourselves to be truly happy, our partner will eventually leave us anyway. It’s a way of controlling the narrative, a painful but familiar script.
- Fear of Success: Success comes with visibility, responsibility, and the potential for new criticism. Our shadow may be protecting us from the pressure and judgment that comes with being "at the top." For many, it's safer to remain small and invisible than to risk being seen and found wanting.
- Maintaining a Core Identity: If your shadow identity is "the one who always struggles" or "the one who can't catch a break," success would challenge that deeply held belief. The self-sabotage is a way of staying true to that identity, no matter how painful it is.
The act of self-sabotage is a powerful clue to what your shadow holds. It’s a symptom of a deeper wound or a limiting belief that has been running the show from behind the scenes. Shadow work helps us to shine a light on these hidden fears. By acknowledging what we are protecting ourselves from, we can begin to see that we are no longer that vulnerable child who needed those old strategies. We can start to choose new, more conscious ways of living.
Take some time with this prompt. Be honest and compassionate with yourself. By understanding the "why" behind your self-sabotage, you are giving yourself the power to change the pattern and finally step into the life you truly desire.
If you want more tips and support, find me on TikTok, find me on TT:@ starseedsarah. Let's continue this journey to balance and purpose, and let our energy show what we choose to focus on – success, love & courage!
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