Welcome back to the Shadow Work series. So far, we've explored how our triggers, hidden selves, and deepest shame can act as guides on our journey to wholeness. In this blog, we're focusing on a key aspect of our emotional landscape: the feelings we've learned to suppress.
Our journal prompt for today is: "What emotions am I most uncomfortable expressing? Where does that discomfort come from?"
From childhood, we are given subtle and not-so-subtle messages about which emotions are "acceptable" to show. A boy might be told, "Boys don't cry," leading him to repress sadness and vulnerability. A girl might be praised for being "sweet" and "polite," teaching her to hide anger and assertiveness. As adults, these early lessons become deeply ingrained habits. We learn to censor our emotional experience, creating a kind of emotional shadow where feelings we deem "bad" or "unproductive" are pushed out of our conscious awareness.
Think about the emotions you find yourself holding back. Is it anger? Vulnerability? Joy? Sadness? Perhaps you feel a surge of a certain emotion and immediately shut it down, dismiss it with a thought like, "That's silly," or distract yourself with a task.
The "why" behind this emotional suppression is a crucial part of the healing process. We often shut down certain emotions because, at some point, expressing them led to a negative consequence. This could have been:
- Rejection: You were judged or rejected for expressing anger or sadness.
- Fear: You learned that expressing a certain emotion, like joy, could lead to envy or disappointment.
- Loss of Control: You were told that emotions like anger or sadness were a sign of being "out of control."
- Conditional Love: You felt that you would only be loved if you were always happy, positive, or agreeable.
The problem with this suppression is that emotions are simply energy in motion. When we don't allow them to move through us, they get stuck. This can manifest in physical tension, anxiety, and even chronic health issues. If you are interested in a deeper dive on releasing stuck emotions, check out the book, The Emotion Code, by Dr. Bradley Nelson. Emotionally, it can lead to a sense of numbness or a lack of connection to our authentic selves. A person who represses sadness may also struggle to experience true joy. A person who represses anger may find themselves people-pleasing or struggling to set healthy boundaries.
Shadow work isn't about becoming a slave to our emotions. It's about acknowledging them with curiosity and compassion, allowing them to be felt without judgment. This gives us the ability to let the emotions flow through us or to release these emotions if they are stuck in the body. By asking "Where does this discomfort come from?", you are giving yourself the gift of understanding. You are recognizing the old wounds and beliefs that have kept you from feeling your full spectrum of human experience.
This week, when an uncomfortable emotion arises, try to pause instead of pushing it away. Label it. Name it to yourself: "There's anger." "There's sadness." "There's a feeling of being overwhelmed." Then, ask the brave question: "Where have I learned that this feeling isn't safe to express?" This simple act of awareness is the first step toward reclaiming your emotional freedom and living a more integrated and whole life.
If you want more tips and support, find me on TikTok, find me on TT:@ starseedsarah. Let's continue this journey to balance and purpose, and let our energy show what we choose to focus on – success, love & courage!
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