Welcome back to the Shadow Work series, where we’re getting real with the parts of ourselves we often try to ignore. In this blog post, we're tackling a particularly sticky and heavy emotion: resentment. It’s a feeling that can be as stubborn as a stain on a favorite shirt, a bitter taste that lingers long after the meal is over.
Our journal prompt for today is: "Who in my past do I still carry resentment toward? What does holding onto that resentment give me?"
On the surface, resentment seems like a purely negative, self-defeating emotion. After all, holding a grudge is often described as "drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." But in the world of shadow work, we know that nothing is that simple. If we hold onto a feeling, especially one as persistent as resentment, it’s because it’s serving a purpose—a purpose often hidden deep in our unconscious.
So, let's explore the uncomfortable truth: What does holding onto resentment give you? It may feel like it's punishing the person who wronged you, but its true function is often more about your own psychological needs.
- A Sense of Righteousness: Holding a grudge can give you a clear sense of who is "right" and who is "wrong." It places you in the moral high ground, a position that can feel powerful and validating, especially if you felt powerless during the initial hurtful event.
- Protection: Resentment can act as a shield. It keeps you from becoming vulnerable again with the person who hurt you. It provides a reason to maintain distance and not get close enough to be harmed again.
- Identity: Sometimes, our resentment becomes a core part of our story. We identify with being the "wronged party" or the "victim." While this role can be painful, it also offers a sense of identity and an explanation for our struggles.
- A Way to Avoid Forgiveness: Forgiveness can feel like you're letting the other person off the hook or condoning their behavior, which can feel deeply unfair. Holding onto resentment means you don't have to face the difficult, and sometimes terrifying, work of letting go and finding peace for yourself.
The problem, of course, is that while these "benefits" may feel real, they keep us trapped. Resentment keeps us tied to the past, stuck in a cycle of reliving pain. It robs us of our peace, our joy, and our ability to be fully present in our lives.
The courageous work of this week’s prompt is not just to identify the people you resent, but to shine a light on the shadow self that finds a strange comfort in that resentment. What fear is it protecting you from? What part of your identity is it propping up? By answering these questions, you begin to see that letting go of resentment isn't about giving the other person a gift; it's about giving yourself the ultimate gift of freedom.
This week, let's commit to exploring the weight we're carrying. It's a heavy burden, but with self-awareness and compassion, we can begin to set it down and create space for a future free from the chains of the past.
If you want more tips and support, find me on TikTok, find me on TT:@ starseedsarah. Let's continue this journey to balance and purpose, and let our energy show what we choose to focus on – success, love & courage!
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