Welcome back to our Shadow Work series. We've explored our triggers, self-betrayal, and the masks we wear to fit in. Today, we're tackling one of the most fundamental fears that drives our shadow: the fear of losing control. For many of us, our lives are a carefully constructed fortress of self-control, built to keep our most intense emotions, desires, and impulses locked away. But what happens if we were to let go?
Our journal prompt for today is: "What am I afraid I might become if I stopped controlling myself?"
Think about the parts of your life where you feel you have to be most "on." Is it your diet, your temper, your spending, or your emotional expression? The need for extreme self-control is often rooted in a deep-seated belief that if we were to let go, we would become someone we don't want to be. The shadow, in its protective wisdom, has created a rigid system of control to ensure we never turn into "that person."
So, what is "that person" you're so afraid of becoming? The answer will be unique to you, but it often looks something like this:
- The Angry Person: If you have a deep fear of becoming angry or aggressive, you might be someone who is overly calm and passive. You are afraid that if you let go, you'll unleash a rage that will hurt others or yourself.
- The "Too Much" Person: If you fear being seen as loud, overly emotional, or needy, you might be someone who is perpetually quiet and contained. You're afraid that your true self is simply too big for the world to handle.
- The Lazy Person: If you have an intense need to be productive, you might be afraid that if you let go of your self-discipline, you will become a "lazy" or "worthless" person who will never achieve anything.
- The Indulgent Person: If you are overly restrictive with your diet or spending, you might fear that if you were to loosen your grip, you would become completely out of control, leading to self-destruction.
The problem with this extreme self-control is that it's exhausting. It prevents us from experiencing life's full spectrum of emotions, from trusting our own impulses, and from living with a sense of spontaneity and ease. The energy we spend on control is energy that is not available for joy, creativity, or genuine connection.
Shadow work helps us to shine a light on this fear. This week’s prompt is an invitation to acknowledge what you are so afraid of becoming. You are not meant to become that person; you are meant to understand them. The "uncontrolled" parts of you—the anger, the messiness, the spontaneity—are not threats. They are parts of your authentic self that are crying out for expression. The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer really spoke to me on my journey of finding ways to let go and trust myself.
The true healing comes from realizing that you can trust yourself. You can feel anger without becoming violent. You can be emotional without becoming a burden. You can rest without becoming worthless. This is the ultimate act of integration: realizing that your shadow doesn't have to be a monster to be tamed, but a wise part of you that holds a crucial piece of your authentic power.
If you want more tips and support, find me on TikTok, find me on TT:@ starseedsarah. Let's continue this journey to balance and purpose, and let our energy show what we choose to focus on – success, love & courage!
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